Higher Purpose? What’s that?

21 Mar

Perhaps one of the most significant reasons that I fail to update this personal blog is that I repeatedly try to assign it a higher purpose. Perhaps it’s time I stopped that, at least for a while, and just focus on documenting my personal journey, whatever that may be.

And here I lie at just-shy-of-4am, fully recovered from a rather unfortunate experience involving neglecting to take my anti-depressant medication with me on a day-long vacation during which the entire world became an experience in vertigo. My arms are bundled around my pillow in a somewhat unreasonable attempt to get some degree of proper posture, and giving two-finger typing a fair shot on my iPhone keyboard. Why not, eh?

Where to begin (or rather, where to go next)? My depression, assuming I remember to take my medication, is largely licked for the moment, and my orthopedics are doing wonders for my posture, even if they occassionally make my calves feel like hell. Diabetes is steadily under control, approximately, but I’ve yet to commit to logging it, a supposed requirement to make the transition to a pump if I decide that’s what I want to do. Realistically, giving someone an impression of my control based on more than just my understanding of my control is theoretically vital to making sense of anything. Ick. I promised myself I wouldn’t turn this into a D-blog.

And why not? Sure, I have a general revulsion of the diabetic community. The prevalance of useless acronyms (PWD? People With Diabetes? DOC? Diabetic Online Community?) has me utterly jaded as to the seriousness of any communication with the community itself or it’s members. There is the rare exception, which I hesitantly make, but largely I avoid the drama associated with my unpopular opinions. What kind of opinions? I don’t believe that diabetes is a cause of depression or stress any more than work or relationships. I don’t believe that a cure is a reasonable investiture of time or money when control and prevention are so often overlooked. I would willingly turn down a cure to diabetes if it meant something like cancer, AIDS, or a similar ‘real’ problem could be cured. I don’t believe that doctors or ‘diabetic educators’ can truly help you control diabetes, but rather can only give you some of the tools necessary to do so. Even then, most of the educators I’ve been involved with have had an unhealthy bias to their own views, and have outright refused to think outside the box. So why bother complaining or looking for support from others when, truly, I feel I have nothing to complain about?

Work is going great. I still fundamentally love my job, and as of the next two weeks, I will be adding Seattle, Washington and Cleveland, Ohio to the list of cities I will have visited. I’m becoming more and more of a globe-trotter, albeit mostly the states, and I can’t say it’s not enjoyable. I get to interact with a variety of people, companies, and implementations of software, which to me is practically essential to enjoyment of my position. I like variety. I have yet to complete the processing of my Visa, but I suspect the final requirements will start coming through soon.

My personal relationships are still strong. My primary partner is there for me almost constantly, and despite the occassional communication issue or grievance, I still feel that she’s one of the biggest constants in my life. My secondary is still a great enjoyment for me, and I recently was given the benefit of spending some quality time with, and inadvertently, working with her. She visited my home and stayed with our family in order to attend a convention that I volunteer for, one Furnal Equinox. Once again the most populated furry convention in Canada, and 13th in North America, we had a fantastic year hosting a bevy of awesome people in Toronto. I look forward to next year as passionately as I can, as the experiences I’ve gained here make me swell with pride and camaraderie like little else does right now. Despite working for the con, I do very little active socializing in the fandom currently, mostly through personal lack of interest. I’m looking to increase my social commitments in an effort to engage myself with quality friends as opposed to the general masses, but this is an ongoing project.

So where next? Wherever I want to go. Let this blog be a blog, without assumptions or requirements, just about me and my personal story.


Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.